<h3>is my essay good enough to submit to a college?</h3>
So I am summiting this essay into colleges but im not very sure how it sounds. I've revised it a couple of times but im still very unsure.
As you will see im not a very strong writer, so i am open to any of your suggestions on how i can improve it.
Here it is
Throughout my lifetime, I have met hundreds of people. Some who I am so blessed to have in my life, that taught me good lessons, and others who were mistakes, yet I still learned plenty of valuable lessons from them. But only one has made a positive impact in my life to last a lifetime. She is everything to me, my best friend, my heart and soul, my cheerleader, and my inspiration all in one, my mother. After 16 years I am only now beginning to fully acknowledge the significance of her influence in my life. Years of taking everything she did for granted, and never understanding her motives behind pushing me until I reached the best I could possibly be, all makes sense now. She has been preparing me, to my ultimate potential, to be successful as I storm through entrance of the "real world".
At the young age of seventeen my mother made the challenging decision of leaving behind her family, customs, and life in the war filled country of Eritrea, and made her way to America, "The land of opportunity". She arrived with no money, no family, no education beyond 7th grade, knew not an ounce of English, and every other possible obstacle hindered her from the American dream. My mother's hard work and adamant determination of making a living in this country showed me how much she cared for me and my sibling's future, before we were even born. She traveled halfway across the world and took a gamble with her life to give us the opportunity of a bright and successful life.
Throughout my 11 years in school, my mother's tolerance for "just good enough" grades plummeted. During my sophomore year all I could think about was finally turning sixteen, having a huge party, and getting my first car. I began to just settle with my grades and I never put much outside effort into it. My mom kept hinting at me to stay focused and to get my grades back up. But I figured she was all talk, and I just expected her not to take any action. I had more important things to do like going out with my friends, and just having fun. I choose to practice parallel parking for my driving test than to practice logarithms for my Algebra 2 test. But on the day of my most important test, my driving test, my mom refused to let me take it. She warned me about my grades and I didn't listen, now I was stuck paying the consequence. I was sixteen with no license, and bad grades, but trying to get back to my old ways was like teaching the blind how to see again. I had such a long way to go until I was back on track, but my mother was there with me, encouraging me the whole way. She was always the one to push me and threatened to take away the things I loved most if I didn't get my act together, and prove to her that school should always be my top priority. I was so selfish to take my free education for granted; most immigrants, including my mother would kill to be in my position.
Watching my mother day in and day out to struggle to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads has been my biggest motivation. I don't want to have to struggle in my future life because I didn't take advantage of my education which was laid out for me on a red carpet. With mother's support and motivation, her words were constantly in my ear "You really are so smart, so why are you letting all of your potential go to waste? Prove to all of us that you can actually get into college and live your dream. That's all I want to for you. "
The influence my mother has made on me will continue to guide me throughout the rest of my life. Her biggest regret in life is not receiving an education, and the only way this regret can be filled is if I go out and I have successful life. Without her push, I would be lucky to get into a community college. I'm so blessed to have someone who believed in me and let me know I could amount to something. I would have continued to go down my carless path, hadn't my mother steered me in the right direction
<strong>Eritrea best answer:</strong>
<p><i>Answer by David Livingston</i><br/>My suggestions
--take out the first paragraph.
--the essay should be an explanation of how your mother has inspired you.
--1st paragraph: more detail on how your mother was able to make a living for herself despite her lack of education. What does she do? How did she get to that career or job? Maybe you could include some detail on what she experienced in Eritrea--something she remembers.
--2nd paragraph: The Algebra ii example is good, but can you expand on how it affected your motivation in other subjects.
-3rd paragraphs: do you have an activity that you participate in. You could describe it and then tell you how it has affected you or how you reflect on it.
You need an intro
In the conclusion you need to tie things together and let the reader know you are a good college candidate.</p>
<p><strong>Eritrea 2011</strong>
<img alt="Eritrea" src="http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2494/5812077499_4f884e5827.jpg" width="400"/><br/>
<i>Image by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/22257051@N07/5812077499">thecomeupshow</a></i>
Adulis "Chedo" Mokanan visited Eritrea this past May to check out Independence day and the beautiful country, located in the horn of Africa.</p>
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