Welcome To Girl World: Cliques, Bitches And The Secret Politics Of Survival For Any Teenage Girl
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Teenage Girls. A Seemingly rich subject matter on it's own. Parents don't understand them, they can never understand each other and god help them if they at some point need to understand themselves. But since the release of the movie "Mean Girls", the underlying evil that is embedded in every female brain has been exposed and explored so much so that i found myself inspired to discover just how common these situations of utter chaos and anarchy within 'Girl World' really are. The film gave us all a one way ticket to this world of cattiness cliques and 'can-you-believe-she-said..', this place was like a secret society, a taboo subject, girls were kind and gentle and played nice. WRONG. Hell, i was unaware of the ways of Girl World and it was my natural habitat for 18 years. Surely this was a disservice to my adolescent self, and now, being all the wiser, i feel that i was lucky to have come out alive at all since i was living without this information at my disposal, but who am i to deny anyone else of it.
Unless you are or have been a teenage girl, 'Girl World' is going to scare the pants off you. Trying to decipher the intricate workings of the mind of a young woman trying to claw her way to the top of the social ladder, or better yet a girl who is desperately trying not to get trampled on during the struggle is definitely a worrying concept. Of course, there's much more to it than popularity and social status, but lets not get carried away just yet. Explaining the politics (yes it's a political system girls work within, scary no?) of Girl World to an 'outsider can make you appear petty and superficial. Some cases are, of course, more extreme than others and the behavior will vary but even so , this has become the common stamping ground for the average teenage girl with it's multiple degrees of underlying rules, concerns, conflicts, feelings and beliefs connected with the population of Girl World. It is my mission to share with you the secrets of this place... if you dare.
Kids are cruel, it's been said thousands of times, but its true, and it doesn't end with calling names, pulling hair or a whack in the face, in fact i'm sure anyone who has been exposed to the cruelty of girl politics would agree with me when i say that, a physical attack would almost be a breath of fresh air when you're living in Girl World. See, the worst damage done to most teenage girls today is much more brutal- the attack that no one sees but you. Subtle bullying; the kind that plays tricks with one's mind. The kind of bullying that makes you question, not only yourself, but also whether it is even happening at all. It's happened to every girl in high school at some point and my aim is to shine a light on this phenomenon and the seriousness of the situation, most people don't see - the bad side of the "good girls".
Something that many people don't realise is that the characteristics found in the Clique, can be found in every group of girls, any group, any size, anywhere - are all guilty of some of the things that cause concern in Girl World.
Inside A Girl's Mind
It is a scary concept stepping inside the mind of a Girl. A world full of paranoia, vulnerability, conformity, pressure, manipulation - and this is just her friends! To fully understand and appreciate how a girl thinks you have to understand the world in which she lives.
Here is Girl World in a Nutshell:
* Girl World is run like any society. There is a role for everyone, high status or low, it is survival of the fittest, or bitchiest in some cases.
* The leaders are more like dictators, they are ruthless, and the environment where the mindset begins and breeds is one of madness.
* Everywhere you turn is a threat; you have to keep your enemies close to keep them on a short tether in case they start to creep up the social ladder before you.
* There are specific standards you must live up to, laws to abide and once you become consumed by Girl World, you make the biggest sacrifice of all - yourself.
If this sounds intense to you, you'd be right.
In Girl World there are so many rules to follow, but the strange thing is that no one actually knows what those rules are, until someone breaks them, and then suddenly everyone becomes quite absolute about what is or is not acceptable.
Most of all, everyone, especially girls, wants to fit in, to belong, to be included. Studies have shown that girls in particular, depend mostly on the relationships with their peers during adolescence more than they depend on the relationships with their parents or siblings. Girls are twice as likely to consider suicide if they have few friends or feel isolated. Girls generally need one on one interaction with their peers in order to feel secure within a group. Boys on the other hand tend to cope better in larger groups. If a girl hasn't got a girlfriend she can talk to this can have a major impact on how she functions and how she feels inside. This is why the politics of Girl World are both ridiculously important for the girls as well as well as a extreme worry for their parents, teachers, and the community. The scary thing is that they are in fact, their own worst enemies.
Another interesting study I found said that girls were at a greater risk of suicide if the people they named as their friends, don't name each other as friends. The dynamics of the group and their friends becomes more of an issue than most people would think. It's hard to comprehend how a group of teenage girls can drive another to considering such serious things as self-harm and suicide. It's definitely a problem and the scary thing is that it's so hard to see from the outside, scarier still; sometimes it's hard to see even from the inside.
In Girl World , every girl is a perpetrator - subtle aggression is the key to hurting someone. Rolling eyes, turning away, ignoring someone, sarcasm, barring - just some of the delights of being a girl. The worst and scariest thing about it is that they can do these things without other people, including parents and teachers knowing that it is going on.
A girl that is being isolated, bullied or teased by her clique believes that these girls are her friends, and that SHE must've done something terrible to be treated this way. I know this sounds crazy, but also keep in mind that, when you live in girl world it's a very brave girl that would simply get up and leave the group of friends she has. It seems impossible, and not worth the risk. It's not uncommon to hear a girl say something along the lines of : " its better to be in a group that you hate, than sitting by yourself in the playground.", so this is how they live. High School is scary enough without the rules, expectations and paranoia that go along with fitting in with a group of friends. Girls are so insecure at this point in their lives and are so confused about who they are that they will try to be anything that could possibly feel right at the time. Everyone knows what its like walking past the masses of other kids to get to class each time the bell rings at school, but can you imagine what its like to be constantly aware and worried about what each and every person you pass thinks of you? It is this crippling fear of judgement that drives girls to somewhat 'destroy' their peers. The classic idea that making someone else look bad, will ultimately make you look good.
Unless you have been a part of the subtle bullying then you couldn't begin to imagine what it's like. You might ask how or why would someone continue to associate with these girls if they are bullying you? why not walk away?
Simple in theory. But nothing is so simple in Girl World.
"Queen Bees & Wannabes" Author Rosalind Wiseman defines girl world in a brilliant metaphor that i have taken on as genius, it goes something like this;
Imagine High School is a Cruise Ship. There are planned activities regularly, everyone is fairly familiar and if anyone gets hurt there is someone there to help them to their feet again. There's a girl on the ship, and suddenly she sees all the other girls saying that the ship is stupid, and it's time to get off, like lemmings throwing themselves off a cliff. She leaves the safe secure ship and climbs aboard a life raft with the first girls she sees. The girls drift off on this life raft, and then she starts to ask herself, how did I get here? Why did I get off the ship? The waves are too big! There are limited supplies!
Now the ship is impossibly far away and she's trapped with these girls, she'll have to bond with them in order to survive, she's not stupid, but she either stays on the raft with these girls she doesn't necessarily like, or be thrown into the ocean. So she stays and hopes that things will get better, until she is hopefully rescued. It sounds dramatic, but the life raft that is the Clique, can sometimes feel like a matter of life or death to girls. Of course I can't use Rosalind's metaphor without mentioning that there are some girls that aren't afraid to take a swim, rather than stay in the life raft. These girls are often stronger because of the struggle, sometimes they swim back to the ship, or they might find another raft, it all has to do with the various roles and personalities within Girl World.
Within Girl World, there are multiple types of girls, and we have to give credit for the sophistication of their social structure. Positions in girl world aren't always filled, nor are the girls in each position always as extreme as i describe. Also, a girl's status can change with the falling from grace of another, but as I go on I am sure that you will find a description of girls that you know or have known before, proving that these stereotypes are strangely common no matter what part of Girl World they reside. In life we hear about stereotypes under which people in society fall. While I tend not to agree with stereotypes i will be ,In part two of this article, using a few, to facilitate a description of the types of girls that populate Girl World, beginning with the powerful and on to the targets.
Here's hoping that part one of this article has drawn some kind of stimulus for thought among anyone out there be it a parent , sibling , teacher or a local Girl World resident.
To close this first installment i will say that it is definitely worthwhile spending some time inside the mind of a teenager, however scary a place it might be. In the long run, the inner workings of a teenagers mind will determine the ideas and thoughts that shape the adults they become. Unless we can assist in controlling the ways in which these girls can influence each other through this destructive and lets face it , concerning behavior, who knows how many adolescences will be lost to the pain of submitting to the ways Girl World.
WHO'S THAT GIRL???
WHO'S THAT GIRL??? originally posted by yg-life.com www.yg-life.com www.facebook.com twitter.com
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