Do United States Marriages Promote a Family System?
United States
Many people out there agree that marriage is a union of one man and one woman. It is no wonder such a greater thing that brings a feeling for two human souls as they feel they are joined for life. They are there for each other to strengthen all labor, to stay with each other in all sorrow and grief, to attend to the wants and needs of each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent and unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting.
Apart from the fantasy world, this is how a real marriage should last, but unfortunately this is not true about some marriages in the United States.
What is marriage? Even in a naïve person's opinion marriage is about being in love and standing together as one, being best friends with your wife or husband, sharing the good times and bad, knowing that he/she will always be there no matter what happens. Marriage is supposed to last a lifetime, but in the United States it usually ends up in divorce.
People in the old days got married and had a family that stuck together. According to Stephanie Coontz, a historian and a research author, the ideal family usually consisted of a mother, a father, a child or children and may be grandparents. Time has changed; today some families only consist of a mother and a child or children, a father and a child or children. Either way in some families one of the parents is absent.
In the United States, today, there are a lot of women who are single parents. Although some people may lament the loss of the perceived ideal traditional family- father, mother, and children- others have come to accept, and embrace, a variety of new family configurations, including single parenthood. Some families are now accepting a single motherhood. The book, Single Mothers: A Menace to society? By Coontz, is simply based on how others often judge a single mother. She further adds that an unwed motherhood is not the major cause of our society's problems, and eliminating one parent families will not fix out inner cities or end the need for welfare. Just because a woman is a single mother does not mean that she can be judged. There are a number of woman today who have professional jobs, and some earn more money then men. Today's women are capable of raising a child all on their own, unlike in the past when woman were not allowed to work.
A research has depicted that there prevails five kinds of marriages. The first kind of marriage is the pursuer-distancer, these marriages are mismatches in which the wife wants to comfort and discuss problems and feelings and the husband wants to avoid confrontations and either denies problems or withdraws. The second type is the disengaged marriages, in which couples share few interests, activities, or friends. Conflict is low, but so is affection and sexual satisfaction. The third type of marriage is the operatic marriage, in which couples like to function at a level of extreme emotional arousal. They are intensely attracted, and volatile, given both to frequent fighting and to passionate lovemaking. These three types of marriages usually lead to divorce because of the lack of communication and trust between the couple. If two partners do not talk to each other how will they know what is going on in each other's lives? If the couple does not trust one another then they can never understand each other, which make the relationship weak.
When you betray your partner and lose their trust, you have to go to the opposite extreme to win them back-to bend over backwards. If you've been selfish you have to display huge selflessness.
The fourth type of marriage is the cohesive-individuated marriages, which are the yuppie and feminist ideal, characterized by equity, respect, warmth, and mutual support. The last type of marriage is the traditional marriage, where the husband makes the money and the wife stays at home and takes care of the children. These two types of marriages are the strongest because the couple listens to each other and stands equally. I would add to the point why today Indian family system is the strongest. And why their family system is not weakening despite the modern world vulnerabilities. Here one can ask him/herself do United States marriages promote a family system and why family system in the United States is accelerating towards disaster.
The only way for a couple to work out their marriage is to sit down and talk out their problems. Pursuing a marital divorce does not affect the couple only. They should think of their children prior to thinking about their divorce. Children are mostly affected by a divorce. One must understand that a family is not an autocracy. It is a partnership with the children and they have to participate. People need to be rewarded for their actions. The only secret, to having a good marriage is to understand one another and know what a marriage stands for.
In conclusion divorce in the United States can decrease only if the couples try to work things out. Marriages should not be based on lies and broken promises, it should be based on hopes and dreams. Simone Signoret, a French actress, says "Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years".
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